you're a mystery yourself

Friday, December 28, 2012

12:32 AM

My friend started talking to me after reading my letter.
The five page letter I wrote.
Yay or nay?

I really dont know what I should be feeling.
Once bitten, twice shy.
He says he will explain tmr.
I am kind of scared.
The wounds in my heart have just turned into scars,
please dont turn them into wounds again.

&the beauty.

12:25 AM

Too much memories.
Everything reminds me of the times when it was still a happy friendship.
Too cruel.

&the beauty.

2:11 PM

You really don't know.
You don't know how cruel you are towards me.
It just all come crumbling down.
So much that I don't know how to handle.

&the beauty.

7:36 PM

Yes, it's Christmas Eve tonight and the loner Karen is just gonna sleep the night off.
It feels like everyone is loved and I'm not.
Seeing my two girl friends receiving presents and love from their uni buddy just makes me feel sad.
Not the fact that I don't receive any presents from my buddy, but I already lost my buddy made me feel sad.
I just want some love from my friend, is it that difficult?

I'm pinning on hopes, which is a bad bad thing.
I'm expecting things from you, which my mind jolly well know that nothing will come.
In fact, I know that nothing will change. Even after you read my 5 page letter.
But at least I am able to convey how I feel.
I have never loved any friend like a family member.
I guess you are the first and most likely the last.
Yes, it's love. But a more profound kind of love that you don't get, apparently.

I sincerely hope that you will understand this love of mine.
Perhaps not now, but one day.
I hope that one day will come.
So that my wish made in Bintan will not e futile.
-prays-

Till we meet next time(:

&the beauty.

1:32 AM

Okay and here I am with my new blog.
Everything will start anew from today.

Yesterday has been disastrous for me.
The person whom I held so close for months, told me that he cant put up/accommodate with me anymore.
It made me wonder, was I even an important friend to him in the first place?
He told the rest that I was, but then his actions just made me doubt him all the time.

We are all learning, but there he is pushing me away.
I persevered so long because I cherished this friendship, but then what do I get in return?
I really have no idea to give up or to continue to hang on.
He is someone whom entered my life and helped me in my darkest phases.
I really want to do the same for him, if only he would let me enter his heart.

ps: I dont like him, i really dont. I just love him like a family member, really.

&the beauty.